Standing here screaming

Sometimes people annoy me. Other times I am stuck in a really funny situation. All in all, I just got to share it!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

My deep dark secret








Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Everyone has sometihng that no one really knows. Mine isn't such a big deal really but here goes. I confess. I want to be on American Idol. Okay so do a lot of people but my secret goes much deeper than this. You see, being frum kind of prohibits me really going on the show. The singing is an issue, I don't see Simon appreciating my long skirts or 3/4 sleeved shirts, and they probably don't have kosher food in the house (if of course, I made it that far). So I just do what anyone in my situation would do. I pretend. Many people use their car driving time to unwind, sing along with the radio or a CD and just forget all your worries. I use that time to "practice." I flip through the stations singing different songs of different genres to see how good I would be with each kind for the show. When there is nothing good on the radio I turn it off and sing the songs I already know. The songs I would use when I get to choose the song. There are a few songs that I like how I sound singing. The rose by Bette Midler, Angel by Sarah Mclaughlin, and Change in my life by M-pact.
I know it's possible that I am just like William Hung or some of the others that go onto the show thinking they are great. Let me just get this clear. I don't think I am great. Nor do I think I would ever be the American idol. It's just a fantasy. But, these three songs that I have chosen are songs that I have gotten complements on singing so I don't know...
So anyway I think I've gotten all the genres down pat. I'm having a bit of trouble with country. Maybe it is because I am not so into it. But lately, I have been a little hoarse and I give a little raspy edge and maybe that's all I really needed. I think I do okay singing Picture by kid rock and Sheryl crow. Only problem is, that's a duet, and I'm only one person. But, I'll keep practicing.
So there it is. My secret's out. Next time you pass me on the road, you'll know what I'm really doing in my car.

Monday, January 30, 2006

and then they move away

I know this post may seem a bit sad but it is just something I was thinking about. Throughout every stage in my life, like most people, there is someone that I am very close with. A "best" friend we can call it. Although at this point in my life we don't say to each other "wanna be my best friend?" In my head the person who I am closest with at that point, by definition, is my "best" friend. For as long as I could remember this particular "best" friend for me has constantly changed. Whether it is because the summer was over and we all went back to our own homes or because the year in Israel was over and we all scattered all over the country or world, keeping in touch never lasted very long. I think it all began when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. There was a girl who lived down the block from me and we would play together almost every day. Whether she would come to my house or I would come to hers. It started off small. She moved across town. She still went to my shul and we still played together but suddenly she had more friends and they would be at her house when I came over too. This was okay, I figured, the more the merrier. It gave us more back-up dancers when making up dances to Paula Abdul and New kids on the block songs. But then she moved back to Israel (her family were shlichim). The letters were frequent initially and then they kind of just tapered off. It was nice to see her when I was in Israel for the year but our lives were so different, it just wasn't the same. Moving away. This seems to be the recurring theme with my friends. Keeping in touch always works initially but for whatever reasons, time difference, different schedules, it stops working after a while. Fast forward to my year in Israel. There were a few girls that I was very close with. One who I spent most of my time with. We never really did anything without seeing if the other wanted to join. We consulted eachother about all our life issues of the moment and our other friends joked around that we were "married." Of course it was a known fact that this friend planned to stay in Israel after our year and eventaully make aliyah. She was not someone that decided this halfway into the year. She had known this since she was a little girl, so this was a definite. The year came to an end and we said our sad goodbyes. She bought me a siddur with a beautiful letter inscribed on the front page. We called eachother, we emailed. It was working, we were actually keeping in touch. Every time she came to America to visit her family we got together. I slept over her house a couple of times, we got together for dinner in the city. This still happens but we don't really speak as much and of course it isn't the same. She has her life and I have mine and we really don't know the details of each. Once a year now when we meet for that occasional dinner or coffee we try to fill in the blanks but like I said, it could never be the same. Finally, since I got married we have been involved in a wonderful minyan. Everyone is young, either single or newly married. We immediately got a close group of friends. We constantly went out on Saturday nights and ate over at eachother's houses on Shabbos. I talked on the phone often with one particular woman. It was so exciting when she told me she was pregnant! I knew of course, that I was pregnant too. I couldn't tell her yet so it was absolute torture. When I was finally able to tell her it was so great. I was about a month behind her. We talked daily about everything we were going through. "did you get this funny pain? oh!! that's normal!! great!" She was two weeks late to deliver and I was 10 days early so our babies are only two weeks apart. They haven't met eachother yet though because shortly before she gave birth, her and her husband moved to her parent's basement in Monsey. That's not so far so you'd think we would keep in touch right? I haven't spoken to her since erev Yom Kippur. I've got to start wondering why this keeps happening to me. Why do my close friends keep moving away? The saddest part is the community we live in is kind of a drifter community. None of our friends plan to stay. They either plan to make Aliyah in a few years or can't afford to buy a house here and plan to do so in another state. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to even get close to people that I am just going to have to say goodbye to shortly.
I think I will call my friend (the one with the baby) and make a rule that no matter what we need to speak to eachother once a month. There is no time difference so we can make it work right? I hope so.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

My new blog

Since starting Life with Estee I often experience things that I would like to share but don't because they aren't Estee related. Today I had an epiphany. Why not start a second blog just so I can rant and rave or just tell a story. So, here it is. I will start this blog with something that happened this past Thursday night. My hair has been getting very long. I keep putting off getting a haircut for simple reasons- too expensive, no time, etc.
This week though, I pretty much couldn't take it anymore. My fall was beginning to look all bunchy and not so nice and I decided, enough is enough. I asked Aaron if he would give me a haircut after my shower. Some of you that know me already know that this same exchange took place last April only to end in disaster. Why you ask did I ask him to do this again? Well, this time I was prepared! This time I had a wonderful idea. I slipped on a simple two-tone striped shirt and told Aaron "easy, all you have to do is cut along this line..." (and I pointed to a line that fell at the length I would want.) Halfyway through his cutting I noticed that he was paying more attention to CSI and not enough attention to my hair. I reached back to feel my hair and didn't feel any where I expected it. I moved my hand up a little more and realized it was way shorter that I had wanted. "Aaron!! why is it so short?" I asked.
"You told me to cut along this line..." he said as he pointed to a line 3 up from the one I actually said. "Don't worry," he said confidently,"I'll just cut the other side a little longer. Great!
My hair is not straight so of course, it dried much shorter. I now have uneven very short hair. All I could do was "cry" and say "Now, not only am I fat but now I have ugly hair too!!" He said "Who cares, no one sees it anyway!!" oysh..